I’ve been married to a country woman forever and let me tell ya, they ain’t easy to live with. They have it easy, if they’re married to a country man, like me, ‘cause we’re God’s gift to mankind. The cost to keep a country man is pretty cheap, compared to other men, after all, all we need is a tin of tobacco, six pack of beer, RC® cola, and a Moon Pie every now and again. We bring wild game in and most of the time it’s in season, well, at least most of the time.
Country woman cost a man for years. They’ll want a lava lamp, a neon beer sign, boxes of “duck tape”, four or five Elvis posters, pink flamingo’s in the front yard. And, trust me on this, they’ll even make ya’ll move the empty 55 gallon drums to the back yard so the pink birds will look nice. Most make a man save fer years so they can visit Memphis and see Graceland. They’ll also send a feller out in the middle of the night to run to Eleven-Seven to get some pork rinds and maybe never even say thank ya. While I love ‘em, some country women are hard on a man sometimes.
I recently visited Bubba and Maude, and the conversation was interestin’, to say the least.
“We don’t need a new winder in the bedroom! What’s wrong wid the one we got?” Bubba screamed as he put his coffee cup on the empty 55 gallon drum he’d cut in half to make an end-table.
“It ain’t no winder, it’s a duck taped trash bag, that’s what’s wrong wid it!” Maude yelled right back and pointed with her right index finger.
“So,” Bubba replied and immediately took on a confused look, “it’s been on there since 1977.”
“That’s my point!”
Bubba shook his head and asked, “What’s yer point?”
Maude’s face turned a deep red as she said, “The point is, it’s not a winder but ducked taped plastic!”
“Oh, since when did Miss Duck Tape of 2007 dee-cide duck tape ain’t no good no mo’ and we needed a real winder?”
“Since I was down at Home Hardware and saw ‘em at a good price.”
“Sweetheart, the taped on trash bag works fine.” He tried the lovey-dovey approach, since logic hadn’t worked.
“Bubba Lee Claremore, iffen ya want any peace in this mo-bile home fer the next five years, ya’ll get me a new winder.”
Bubba shook his head, picked up his truck keys and was off to Home Hardware.
Now, I have a question. If trash bags were duck taped over Maude’s two rear and passenger’s winders of her 1967 car, why did the bedroom winder need to be fixed? It didn’t, ‘cause it worked fine and didn’t leak–unless it rained.
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